Confession: sometimes when I am with my son Gino, I wish I was doing something else. I find myself thinking about all the things I could/should be doing and when I am finally able to step away to do something adult I feel relieved.
I’ve carried a lot of guilt about this until recently, while listening to Whitney Port’s podcast with reproductive psychiatrist Dr. Alexandra Sacks. I was shocked to hear Whitney Port vocalize the exact same sentiments and I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
Dr. Sacks made me feel even better explaining that this a normal, universal feeling and how logically it makes sense. My brain is far from complimentary to that of my son’s and naturally he’s curious and inspired by things way different than me! Gino and I don’t share the same interests so obviously it’s hard to stay engaged for very long.
I also understand that children need to be acknowledged, cared for, loved and understood. Not only is Gino’s emotional development important but truly connecting with him fulfills me too. I knew I needed to be intentional about making more of those moments happen.
Early on in Gino’s life I started time blocking moments of presence with him. Every single day I try and spend at least 15 minutes totally present with him playing, reading or anything else he’d like to do. We also ALWAYS have mindful mealtimes together without any tech and engage him in our conversation.
Recently, I learned about this most genius concept called Genuine Encounter Moments (GEMs) and have been putting them into practice for a few weeks. I can honestly say it’s one of the top, game changing parenting hacks I’ve learned since Gino was born!
What’s a Genuine Encounter Moment (GEM Moment)?:
Genuine Encounter Moments (GEMs) in a nutshell are 100% percent focused attention on your child. It’s not only about being physically present but completely in the moment and emotionally present. Because they literally only require a moment of time, GEMs can ensure children (and parents) get their emotional needs met when life gets crazy busy.
How to have Genuine Encounter Moments (GEMs) with your child:
The next time your child comes to you with something to say…
- Stop what you’re doing and totally focus on your child.
- Get down at their level, look them in the eye and give them your full attention.
- Truly listen without judgement and be with them until the moment is complete.
In short to have a GEM you just need to: stop, look and listen.
The concept seems simple enough but it’s easier said than done, especially with distractions like our smartphones always being an arm’s distance away. The good news is with a little practice GEMs almost become second nature!
Why are GEMs Important?
GEMs make your child feel loved, valuable and that they are important enough to be listened to. From your example your child also learns HOW to listen! Not only are you making your child feel significant but YOU get the chance to truly connect with and enjoy tour child.
In today’s world we can be so busy with work, deadlines, responsibilities and distractions like social media, that time for these connected moments can get lost.
As a chronic sufferer of mom guilt, if I’m able to have a few GEMs with my son throughout the day I can lay my head down at night feeling fulfilled and like I’ve done my best!
Do you practice GEMs with your family?! I’d love to know of any mindful parenting tips you have!
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